no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
