no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
