i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want her autograph on my taint
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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