My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
