Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it's like iHOP with fire
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
