why do cheetos always look like penises
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Are we still banned from the library?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
