i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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