remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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