Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
