I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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