I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
