I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
