I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
