Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
