I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
