With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
