the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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