Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
