u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
