im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
