I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
