God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
