Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
