Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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