Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
