meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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