the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
