For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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