Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
