i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
