So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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