HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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