I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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