I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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