STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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