i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
