She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
