paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The ass gains better be worth it
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