I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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