sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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