Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
