I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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