tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
