forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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