i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate