But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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