God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.