Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup

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(443): View more from Maryland

Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.

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(443): View more from Maryland

The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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(917): View more from New York City

its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.

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19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Read it at the TFLN blog
(713): View more from Texas

this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

(1-713): View more from Texas

well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

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(917): View more from New York City

Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?

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(312): View more from Illinois

It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.

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