did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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