Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
