You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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