"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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