i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
In America we eat man semen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
