Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
