Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
