I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
