everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
