My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
