I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
