Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
