I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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