It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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