dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
