Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
