she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
