lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
