so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
