Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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