Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
