apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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