Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Enjoy the penises
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
