I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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