what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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