You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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