Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
