I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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