Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
