walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
