I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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