I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
